Category: Kindness

Resolve to avoid digital mistakes in 2011

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Today, we offer up some excellent advice regarding digital resolutions for the New Year. On the CNN site, in 7 Digital Mistakes to Avoid Brenna Ehrlich and Andrea Bartz of the blog and book Stuff Hipsters Hate (and also news editors at Mashable.com and Psychology Today, respectively), give us a few tips for keeping the online embarrassment and bad net-and-etiquette to a minimum in 2011.

We are especially partial to 1, 5, 6 and 7.

(CNN) — Ah, 2011. A new year and a prime time to make resolutions — a word that stems from the Latin word resolutio, which roughly translates to “intense self-flagellation followed by structured reflection on the things you hate about yourself.”

Allow us to aid you in this endeavor.

Now that you’ve finally finished reading dozens of surprisingly obnoxious top 10 lists, we’re going to start the year off with a review of seven equally obnoxious netiquette faux pas to avoid in ’11.

Think of it as a quick precis of all the dumb moves we tried to shake out of you in 2010 (research, after all, shows that refreshing your memory at spaced-out intervals is key to remembering stuff long-term).

No reverse-order countdown, though. After all, this isn’t a moment of Joose-fueled chanting in Times Square.

Say it with me, now. In 2011, I will not …

1. … send an unspeakably rude e-mail to one of my employees or co-workers.

“?!” alone does not an e-mail make. Forgetting your “pleases” and “thank yous”? Just as bad. Carpal tunnel syndrome be damned, make this the year you actually tap out respectful missives to those in your midst.

2. … chase a messy breakup with sad-clown Facebook statuses and hours of sob-wracked ex stalking.

Quit squeezing lemon juice on your wounds. Apps like Avoidr and the Ex Blocker (which, yes, we inspired by sighing loudly and whining, “Why can’t someone make my loser exes disappear?”) make moving on … well, not as easy as it was in pre-digital times, but fairly comparable.

3. … waste everyone’s time with inane tweets.

Yes, Twitter can be a repository for banal thoughts and stomach-churning overshares. It can also be a useful tool for sharing links, connecting with online and real-life friends, and adding to the general conversation.

(Hey, don’t laugh — remember how the Library of Congress deemed this all archive-worthy? Five hundred years from now, they’ll be like, “Whoa, those 2010-era plebeians were really into laser cats. That must mean something.”)

Aim to give each tweet a bit of value: a tip, a crowdsource attempt, even a little zing to get your followers to :).

4. … keep my wedding photo as my Facebook profile pic for five months or more.

That’s really great that you got married. However, my congratulatory spirit wore out approximately 4.5 months ago. Time to go back to being a Person With a Personality instead of just a Bride, mmkay?

5. … leave offensive, sexist, childish or straight-up stupid comments.

Actual responses and commentary are the lovely nerve network of Web 2.0. As for the trash: Yeah, instead of bothering with the noncontribution, we suggest you check out the billions of other things you could be browsing on the www this very minute. Problem: solved.

6. … drunk-text.

Or drunk-tweet. Or drunk-e-mail. Or drunk-update-le-Facebook-status.

It’s 2011, folks — of course the coders who hand you such digital Tommy guns have figured out how to add safety latches. Apps like Mail Goggles and the social media sobriety test mitigate the damage.

If only you’d done some sober installing before your big NYE open bar, the decade might’ve begun on a much less sloppy, indelicate foot.

7. … peck away at my smartphone during dinner.

Or brunch, or really any moment involving real-life interaction — because it’s incredibly impolite and likely detrimental to your ability to enjoy a tender interaction or a crisp walk through the park.

Look, if there’s one addiction worth breaking this year, it’s your clinically significant dependence on regular CrackBerry checks. Because let’s face it, the whiskey binges and late-night Cheetos you swore off on 1/1/11 aren’t going anywhere.

These are resolutions we can get behind here at Re-find. Do you have any tips to add to this list?

Cheers!

M

Celebrate kindness

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Hello and happy 2011!

After a short hiatus, we are back and ready to celebrate the many ways we can spread kindness and good manners.

First, let’s bid adieu to 2010, with this symbolic photo:

 

Bye-bye 2010

 

Now, it’s time to tackle the etiquette, style and grace issues of this brave new year. The No. 1 order of business, thank you notes.

We are fortunate enough to have received gifts from a few friends and acquaintances from whom we didn’t expect a thing. It’s so important to acknowledge these kindnesses, whether or not you intend to reciprocate. To make this task more enjoyable, we recommend you pour a cup or glass of your favorite bevvy, find the pen you most enjoy using and dig out that lovely paper you have tucked away for just this sort of thing. You might even want to light a scented candle, who are we to judge?

Simply thank the giver, tell them how you have used or intend to use the item and sign it with your usual salutations. For example,

Dear Sally,

The gorgeous scarf you gave me for Christmas is an absolute hit! It complimented my various holiday ensembles so well, I wore it to nearly every fete. Thank you so much for thinking of me amidst the hustle and bustle of the season.

With love,

Jill

It’s really just that simple and what with your delicious couple of glasses glass of wine, it was also a treat.

May your 2011 be filled with many treats and even more reasons to say thank you.

Cheers!

Melanie

 

House-train your children

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Since it’s Friday, the weather is gorgeous and we are struggling to concentrate on anything whatsoever, we decided to let David Brooks do all of the heavy lifting and wordsmithing today.

In his most recent column in the New York Times, “The Facebook Searchers,” Brooks offers his point of view on the new Aaron Sorkin movie, “The Social Network.” Referring to the heroically intelligent character based on Facebook creator Mark Zuckerberg, Brooks writes:

What he is lacking is even more striking. The Zuckerberg character is without social and moral skills. It’s not that he’s a bad person. He’s just never been house-trained. He’s been raised in a culture reticent to talk about social and moral conduct. The character becomes a global business star without getting a first-grade education in interaction.

See dear readers, this is what we’ve been telling everyone who will listen: please house-train your children!

In some cases, also please house-train yourself and your better half if it didn’t happen growing up. It’s never too late to grow social graces and good manners and it will make life easier for everyone involved, whether it be in business or in social realms.

Have a happy weekend and cheers!

M

 

Table this discussion: Salt and pepper’s here!

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When it comes to dining, there are of course scores of rules designed to keep things civilized and to make life easier on those who are gathered around the table. One of the first things we remember learning as a wee tot was not to “divorce the salt and pepper.” It’s easy to remember and it prevents losing track of one or the other among the rest of the tableware.

That said, we are big fans of Fiesta and with its bright colors, it’s nearly impossible to miss. Check out these cute little green shakers ($14. 99 on the Dinnerware USA website:

Photo courtesy Dinnerware USA

We own a vintage set, but ours don’t match, because we are cheeky. Or because someone divorced the salt and pepper. Sigh.

So, from our table to yours, cheers!

M

The etiquette of politics: oxymoron?

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Some say one should never discuss religion or politics in mixed company. Or at the dinner table. Or on Facebook. Or with anyone you may actually ever want to remain on speaking terms. In some cases, we would agree, however there is a way to discuss these things without starting World War III with your uncle/friend/coworker/high school math teacher on Facebook — civility.

It seems many in our society are a bit hazy on the meaning of the word civility, so here is a little help from Merriam-Webster:

ci ● vil ● i ● ty
noun \sə-`vi-lə-tē\ 
Definition of CIVILITY
a : civilized conduct; especially : courtesy, politeness b : a polite act or expression

Now that we are all on the same page, let’s discuss how to put this into thought and action with a few do’s and don’ts:

Do

Listen with an open mind and a closed mouth

Politely ask questions

Don’t

Interrupt

Attack

Name call

Ben Franklin used to employ the questions method when debating his foes. By imploring, almost playing the part of an uninformed seeker, you get to the heart of the other person’s knowledge on the subject at hand. In most cases, his or her background information is rather on the surface and after a few pointed questions, they will fizzle out or back down. As stated in “The Autobiography of Mark Twain”:

“In religion and politics people’s beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second-hand, and without examination, from authorities who have not themselves examined the questions at issue but have taken them at second-hand from other non-examiners, whose opinions about them were not worth a brass farthing.”

(We don’t advocate telling people their opinions aren’t worth a brass farthing, but we giggle when Mark Twain says it.)

Consider yourself warned that if you use Ben Franklin’s technique, as much as most people will falter when asked to fully develop their ideas and opinions, if the person knows their stuff — and you listen to the answers to your own questions — you might just learn something.

If all else fails and you are dealing with a truly warped and ill-informed ninny soul, change the subject.

Cheers!

M

Being kind on the run

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Is it already Tuesday? Please forgive us for leaving you high-and-dry yesterday, but we are still running around like lunatics catching our breath from the whirlwind hold onto your hats fun working road trip to Mobile, Ala. for the LoDa Art Walk. Pardon the shameless self promotion, but click here if you’d like to see photos of the show.

As mentioned, we were in Mobile, Ala. for a few days for the art walk. While there, we also had a grueling refreshing walk of the exercise variety, in which we arose at the indecent  early bird hour of 6:45 a.m. The reason we bring this up is not only to pat ourselves on the back for keeping up our fitness regime, but also to relay that the other morning walkers, bikers, joggers and dog walkers — literally every single one of them — bid us a good morning or a quick hello upon passing.

Wow.

It was such an unexpected treat and such a gentile way to start the day, we almost completely forgot about having risen so early in the middle of the night morning. We may even conduct an experiment to see if Texans are that friendly in the early hours. Maybe.

Cheers!

M

Wealth and prepdom: If you’ve got it, don’t flaunt it

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Today marks the release of “True Prep,” by Lisa Birnbach and Chip Kidd, which is the long-awaiting follow-up to “The Official Preppy Handbook,” (well-worn copies of which many of you likely still cherish own).

Our copy of the book arrived a few days ago and we spent all weekend pouring through it. The section devoted to etiquette is delightful, as expected, and it reinforces our beliefs that a thank you card is always appropriate, overt displays of wealth are TTFW and when in doubt, proceed with restraint (a more detailed post on the etiquette portion to come).

Meanwhile, further reinforcing our beliefs on the latter was David Brooks’ column in today’s New York Times, entitled, “The Gospel of Wealth.” Here is an excerpt:

“The United States once had a Gospel of Wealth: a code of restraint shaped by everybody from Jonathan Edwards to Benjamin Franklin to Andrew Carnegie. The code was designed to help the nation cope with its own affluence. It eroded, and over the next few years, it will be redefined.”

We sincerely hope Mr. Brooks is correct in his predictions and that if anything good can come of America’s financial woes, it might be that we get over the compulsion to show and tell anyone and everyone how much money we have or want them to think we have in our bank accounts.

In other “True Prep” news, Birnbach launched the book with an appearance on the Today show this morning and amid a media blitz. Visit the Preppy Princess blog for an excellent synopsis of all things “True Prep,” and Birnbach, including a links list of the Today show segment and myriad articles about the book.  Note that you can order a copy of the book, $13.95 (as of the date of this post), through the Preppy Princess online store by clicking here. 

Enjoy the rest of your Tuesday and stay tuned for a giveaway of “True Prep,” after we finish taking notes!

Cheers!

M

Do you have questions for “True Prep” author Lisa Birnbach and designer Chip Kidd?

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Happy Friday everyone! Some of us are gearing up for the three-day Labor Day weekend and the rest of us are doing our best to keep the grumbling to a minimum, because we have to work. Either way, we hope you find a way to enjoy yourself.

We apologize for abandoning you several days this week, but as you may have seen on Facebook and Twitter, we’ve been hatching plans for the coming months.  

On Oct. 18, join us in Austin, Texas for the Texas Book Festival, where we’ll be moderating the author session for “True Prep.”

Written by Lisa Birnbach and designer Chip Kidd, this new book is a sequel to “The Official Preppy Handbook,” or the book that launched a million pairs of Sperry Top-Sider’s, and will let us in on what Muffy has been up to all these years. We’ll be interviewing Birnbach and Kidd during the session, so if you have questions you’d like for us to ask, shoot them to us here, via Facebook, Twitter or at charmfinder@gmail.com. We hope to see you at the festival!

We’ll have more on the book as soon as we get it into our hot little hands (we are awaiting it from the publisher). Preppies know a little something about manners and we are looking forward to reminding ourselves of the proper etiquette for sailing, cocktail hour and volunteering at Mummy’s favorite charity.

Until then, have a great weekend!

Cheers!

M

We see London, we see France … gasp!

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Since it’s Friday and you likely are trying to get out of the office early, we are keepin’ it brief today. coincidently, we are also talking about briefs. Gentlemen and ladies, in this the season of white pants, shorts, capris and skirts, please whatever you do, don’t wear them too tight or too see-through.

We don’t want to see that you are wearing  your Thursday bloomers on Tuesday.

We really don’t want to catch even a hint of your thong.

And, while we know that essentially everyone has cellulite, we absolutely, positively don’t want to see it rippling and puckering through your skin-tight, great whites. No, we do not.

On that visually violent note, happy Friday and have a great weekend!

Cheers!

M

In celebration of Women’s Equality Day

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Today is Women’s Equality Day, so we are making but a quick post referring you to our post last week about women’s suffrage (which includes links to the Women’s League of Voters). You see, Aug. 18 commemorated Tennessee becoming the 36th and deciding state to ratify the 19th amendment, which would give women the right to vote.

On Aug. 26, 1920,  the Nineteenth Amendment became law, granting women their right to vote in the fall elections, including in the Presidential election. So today, Aug. 26, we celebrate women’s equality. Yay women! 

Now, don’t forget to exercise your right to vote. Oh and don’t forget that just because you work, play and vote with the big boys, doesn’t mean you can stop behaving like a lady.

Cheers!

M