Category: Weddings

Question: Do I have to go to my high school friend’s wedding?

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Photo from FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Happy Tuesday! Last week during a small celebratory gathering at Houston’s hippest cocktail and caffeine purveyor, Double Trouble, a friend asked a pressing etiquette question: Do I have to go to my high school friend’s wedding?

Our friend tells us that after not seeing or hearing from her high school chum for years, an invitation arrived in the mail. Having recently bought a home, a plane ticket to a destination wedding for a long lost friend isn’t in her budget.

The easy solution: Send a lovely card with your regrets and a small, thoughtful, but budget conscious gift for the bride and groom. In your R.S.V.P., it’s not necessary to explain, a simple “I’m sorry I won’t be able to attend the wedding,” or “I have a prior commitment that day,” or similar will do.

Do you have an etiquette or style question? Email us at charmfinder@gmail.com.

Cheers!

M

 

Invitations: You and me plus who?

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Hello readers and happy Tuesday! Today, just a very quick tip regarding invitations and RSVPs. When you are lucky enough to receive an invitation to an event, be sure to pay attention to how it is addressed, as that is your cue to learn who in your household is actually invited to the soirée.

Basic rules of thumb:

If the invitation is addressed to you and only you, then you and only you are invited to the party.

Miss Jane Smith and guest = you may bring a friend or a date.

Mr. and Mrs. John Smith = You and your spouse (get a sitter for the children and have a ball!).

The Smith Family = You, your spouse and your 10 lovely children.

For formal occasions, such as weddings and über elegant dinner parties, even if you believe the invitation is addressed in error, refrain from calling the hostess to ask if you may bring your children or a date. This will put your hostess on the spot, especially if she or he is working within a strict budget.

That said, it is OK and even encouraged to call the host and inquire as to the suggested attire for the event or for clarification of what is meant by “formal island cowboy cocktail chic” or some similarly ambiguous description.

Finally, when you send out invitations, extend the same courtesy and address the correspondence to whomever’s faces you’d like to see at the party.

Happy celebrating.

Cheers!

M

 

 

 

 

Wealth and prepdom: If you’ve got it, don’t flaunt it

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Today marks the release of “True Prep,” by Lisa Birnbach and Chip Kidd, which is the long-awaiting follow-up to “The Official Preppy Handbook,” (well-worn copies of which many of you likely still cherish own).

Our copy of the book arrived a few days ago and we spent all weekend pouring through it. The section devoted to etiquette is delightful, as expected, and it reinforces our beliefs that a thank you card is always appropriate, overt displays of wealth are TTFW and when in doubt, proceed with restraint (a more detailed post on the etiquette portion to come).

Meanwhile, further reinforcing our beliefs on the latter was David Brooks’ column in today’s New York Times, entitled, “The Gospel of Wealth.” Here is an excerpt:

“The United States once had a Gospel of Wealth: a code of restraint shaped by everybody from Jonathan Edwards to Benjamin Franklin to Andrew Carnegie. The code was designed to help the nation cope with its own affluence. It eroded, and over the next few years, it will be redefined.”

We sincerely hope Mr. Brooks is correct in his predictions and that if anything good can come of America’s financial woes, it might be that we get over the compulsion to show and tell anyone and everyone how much money we have or want them to think we have in our bank accounts.

In other “True Prep” news, Birnbach launched the book with an appearance on the Today show this morning and amid a media blitz. Visit the Preppy Princess blog for an excellent synopsis of all things “True Prep,” and Birnbach, including a links list of the Today show segment and myriad articles about the book.  Note that you can order a copy of the book, $13.95 (as of the date of this post), through the Preppy Princess online store by clicking here. 

Enjoy the rest of your Tuesday and stay tuned for a giveaway of “True Prep,” after we finish taking notes!

Cheers!

M

Do you have questions for “True Prep” author Lisa Birnbach and designer Chip Kidd?

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Happy Friday everyone! Some of us are gearing up for the three-day Labor Day weekend and the rest of us are doing our best to keep the grumbling to a minimum, because we have to work. Either way, we hope you find a way to enjoy yourself.

We apologize for abandoning you several days this week, but as you may have seen on Facebook and Twitter, we’ve been hatching plans for the coming months.  

On Oct. 18, join us in Austin, Texas for the Texas Book Festival, where we’ll be moderating the author session for “True Prep.”

Written by Lisa Birnbach and designer Chip Kidd, this new book is a sequel to “The Official Preppy Handbook,” or the book that launched a million pairs of Sperry Top-Sider’s, and will let us in on what Muffy has been up to all these years. We’ll be interviewing Birnbach and Kidd during the session, so if you have questions you’d like for us to ask, shoot them to us here, via Facebook, Twitter or at charmfinder@gmail.com. We hope to see you at the festival!

We’ll have more on the book as soon as we get it into our hot little hands (we are awaiting it from the publisher). Preppies know a little something about manners and we are looking forward to reminding ourselves of the proper etiquette for sailing, cocktail hour and volunteering at Mummy’s favorite charity.

Until then, have a great weekend!

Cheers!

M

We see London, we see France … gasp!

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Since it’s Friday and you likely are trying to get out of the office early, we are keepin’ it brief today. coincidently, we are also talking about briefs. Gentlemen and ladies, in this the season of white pants, shorts, capris and skirts, please whatever you do, don’t wear them too tight or too see-through.

We don’t want to see that you are wearing  your Thursday bloomers on Tuesday.

We really don’t want to catch even a hint of your thong.

And, while we know that essentially everyone has cellulite, we absolutely, positively don’t want to see it rippling and puckering through your skin-tight, great whites. No, we do not.

On that visually violent note, happy Friday and have a great weekend!

Cheers!

M

Tuesday turnaround

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Happy Tuesday readers! Today, we decided to turn things around and ask you about your top etiquette pet peeves. From people eating with their mouths open and oversharing to bad hygiene and bad FB habits, let’s gab about what makes you gasp. For example, people who drink too much and behave badly. Exhibit A:  

Image courtesy AMC Mad Men

Mad Men’s Don Draper is smart, charming, elegant and mysterious, but we all know when he drinks too much, he is a naughty boy. OK, he’s bad with or without the booze, but you get our meaning.

So, post your comments here, on Facebook or Twitter or shoot us an e-mail at charmfinder@gmail.com and tell us what offends you or what society could do to re-find its style, sophistication and respectability.

Cheers!

M

Napkin 101

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Normally, we try to avoid manual labor on Sunday, but yesterday we were overcome with the urge to iron the linen napkins and tea towels. Perhaps because they had just been laundered and were looking pitifully wrinkled in a pile on the dining room table, begging to be starched and pressed. We obliged and are feeling quite pleased with ourselves.

Voila!

Freshly starched and pressed linen napkins and tea towels

Much better. Now we can rest easy. What do napkins have to do with etiquette? Well, there are a few rules of thumb regarding napkins that we thought we’d review.

Do

Fold your napkin and half with the fold toward you on your lap upon sitting down to a meal.

Leave it on your chair (not on the table or on your plate) if you have to excuse yourself from the table, then place it back in your lap upon your return.

Place it unfolded, but not wadded up next to your plate or in front of you on the table when you are finished dining.

Place it unfolded on your lap during afternoon tea, during a shower or another type of gathering with heavy hors d’oeuvres served buffet style or where you’ll be seated in a living room or away from a dining table.

Don’t

Put it on the table until you are finished with your meal.

Throw it on your plate.

Wad it up.

Tuck it into your shirt.

There you have it, Napkin 101. Bon apetit!

Cheers!

M

Please and thank you

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“Whether one believes in a religion or not and whether one believes in rebirth or not, there isn’t anyone who doesn’t appreciate kindness and compassion. “ Dalai Lama

When you ask for something say “please.” If you get it or if someone does something nice for you, say “thank you.”

It really is that simple.

Cheers!

M

Wedding Wednesday: Save the date

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No matter how casual the wedding, there are still certain rules that apply. Formality usually takes precedent over informality, except when it comes to your “Save the date” announcement. This is one area where you can either mail a card, send an e-mail or make phone calls.

If you decide to send a card or e-mail, keep it simple. Here is a wording example from the Knot:

We’re taking the plunge!
Hope you’ll be there to celebrate our flight.
Jack & Jill
say “I Do”
July 5, 2005
Nantucket Island
Formal invitation to follow

If space isn’t a concern, such as in an e-mail, feel free to include a few additional details, but try to keep it brief.

Follow these simple rules and there will be at least one element of your wedding that is easy and breezy.

Cheers!
M

When you say I do, don’t do this …

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In the world of wedding etiquette, there are a lot of do’s and don’ts. We could literally write volumes, and likely will over time, but since you are probably reading this at work, we’ll narrow this particular entry down to the top do’s and don’ts every bride should memorize.

For this task, we consulted with the lovely and talented Denise Silverman CEO of CLINK, a full-service event production agency that designs and coordinates special events, such as weddings. We’ve turned to Denise on myriad event issues over the years and she always has the answers.

So brides, take Denise’s advice and your wedding is sure to go off with the only hitch being the new one between you and your groom.

Denise Silverman’s top three do’s and don’ts of wedding etiquette:

Do’s:
1-Do: make it about your guests. It’s your wedding and it should reflect your tastes and style. But make sure your guests are comfortable and happy. Fabulous and plentiful food. Comfortable accommodations. Great music. etc.
2-Do: write your thank you notes in a timely manner.
3-Do: double-check all spellings for your invitations. How embarrassing it would be to spell the name of your venue wrong?
4-Do: Check Crane’s Blue Book for all modern invitation etiquette. Don’t make up your own wording without checking on modern rules of etiquette.

Don’ts:
1. Don’t: put “children not welcome” on your invitations. The names on the envelope indicate who is invited (and not invited) to the wedding. You can also spread the word by word of mouth. Finally, if someone responds and puts their children’s names in the response, you may offer up some names/numbers for reputable babysitters.
2. Don’t: include your gift registries on your wedding invitations. This is TACKY.
3. Don’t tell your caterer you have fewer guests attending in order to pay less money. Running out of food is tacky and makes you and the caterer look bad.

Thank you for sharing your expertise Denise!

Cheers!

M