Question: If I buy a drink for a friend, is he obligated to leave the tip?


Today’s question surrounds cocktail etiquitte. The asker wants to know if when buying drinks for a friend, if the friend is obligated to offer up the tip. Also, if said friend doesn’t, does the buyer have the right to be annoyed?

We advise that while it would be a lovely gesture for the friend to offer the tip, he isn’t obligated to do it. If he doesn’t, it’s of course a free country, but it was a gift to buy the drink, so you are obligated to absorb the cost of the tip and keep your annoyance to yourself. After all, you knew that was part of it when you bought the round. No matter what though, a hearty thank you is required and cheers to the buyer’s health.

This conversation does have us thinking that from now on, we’ll at least offer up tip money when given the gift of a delicious adult beverage.

What do you think? To offer tip or not to offer tip?


Welcoming the (child) strangers

A friend today posed the question:

“Is it appropriate? You are having a party in your backyard. You have a bounce house and kid food for the children. Kids who are strangers, let themselves in, join in the play, ask for food, drink, the restroom. You do not know these children, they do not live in your neighborhood, and you did not prepare enough kid food for several extra children.”

We chimed in that in terms of etiquette, no it was not appropriate for the children to crash the party, but what small child wouldn’t follow the siren call of a bounce house and kid bites? Can you imagine the looks on their faces had they been turned away? We say, let the little beasts into the party and if they get out of hand, politely show them the gate.

Another person mentioned the potential liablity if one of the children got hurt. Unless the parents of the invited children signed a liablity waiver, the potential for being sued is present whether or not guests are invited, so again, we say the more the merrier.

In a perfect world, the children would have been taught by their parents that it’s a no-no to show up uninvited to a party, but alas we do not live in a perfect world. Look on the bright side, the children — invited and uninvited — will learn abut the kindness of strangers, sharing and giving. And who knows, maybe your little darlings will make a lifelong friend out of one of the pintsized party crashers.

What do you think? Share your thoughts, concerns or similar experiences.


Hello. Welcome. How do you do?

Hello. Welcome. How do you do?

Something as simple as the above greeting can make or break a first impression. Unfortunately, we live in a world where even simple greetings are seemingly too much to ask from our fellow human beings. Sigh.

But, it doesn’t have to be that way, right? Despite the often downright rude people we encounter in our lives and the bad behavior we witness daily on reality TV, we at Re-find are convinced that our mothers and grandmothers are right — we were not raised by wolves. We know that deep down, everyone can learn to behave, be charming , be gracious and be refined.

But, what exactly does it mean to be refined? The American Heritage dictionary defines refined as free from coarseness or vulgarity; polite; free of impurities; purified; and precise to a fine degree.

We couldn’t agree more.

At Re-find, our philosophy is that we are all born with a clean slate; pure as the driven snow. So while some of us get a little, er — tarnished — we firmly believe that with a little buff, polish and shine, we can re-find our innate charm, style and grace.

Do you have a style, etiquette, entertaining or social question? Just ask and we’ll throw you a lifeline. And don’t worry, we won’t scold you or make you feel dumb. That would go against everything we believe. Here at Re-find, we live by the Golden Rule and we hope that if you don’t already, soon you will too.

Let’s get started, shall we?

Oh, I almost forgot, please call me M. I’ll be your tour guide. It’ll be fun.